For so many years I had these high expectations that never became of anything. Every year I hoped at least this year would be different. Yet, I was always secretly disappointed with how my life was going. Sure, I had some good moments. Going to Colorado, Spending my summer in Ellersie, Meeting friends at Frontier. There was little highlights. Yet, each year I felt more, and more lost.
This past year I grew a lot personally.I started last year coming home from college. I knew I needed to be home, and stop running from personal things. I needed to get past personal " Demons" I've secretly had for years, and move on from them. It took awhile. But, it happened.
I learned a lot this past year. That you can't help some people, and no matter how hard you try some just stay toxic in your life. So, you need to get them out. I had to get rid of a lot of toxic people in my life. Which, I am so thankful, and glad I did. It took awhile. But, it happened.
I also learned to speak up, and speak my mind. Which, could get me into trouble from time to time. But, sometimes things were needed to be said. I got over a lot of personal " hurdles". Things from the past I just needed to get over.
The start of last year was a bit rough. I learned how to fight for what I want, love, and believe in. Even when a part of me wants to just give up. It was a crazy year emotionally for sure. But, in the end I realized what I wanted, and what I truly believe in.
I seen how the way I was living wasn't really realistic, and actually toxic. Idea's from books I read- though they had good intentions just weren't truly biblical or realistic. Though I clung to these things I thought was true. When I took a second glance I realized some of these teaching was not only untrue, but put me in a toxic state of mind. Trying to be perfect, and make no mistakes. Just becoming more defeated each time I "fell down" or
" messed up". Which, felt like all the time.
Yet, I found true happiness this past year. One of my biggest dreams came true. I married the man who won my heart years ago, and truly never lost my heart. My life didn't become a " fairy tale" or " perfect" the minute I uttered " I do". But, it's such a blessing, and the biggest joy in my life. Though marriage life is work. I love every second of it. Every thing I get to learn about my husband. Every moment we spend together just enjoying each other. I often wake up in the middle of the night, and look over to my husband sleeping peacefully. All I can do is smile, and wonder how I got so lucky to be married to this man.
We have only been married a short time. Yet, it feels like I've been with this man my whole life.
Though the end of 2013 was filled with personal tragedy when we lost our baby. I have hope for this coming year. I know it's going to be filled with so many great things. Though I am sure there will be hard times. I don't know what to expect. Maybe we will have a baby. Maybe we won't. Maybe we will move once our lease is up. Maybe we will stay here another year.
" messed up". Which, felt like all the time.
Yet, I found true happiness this past year. One of my biggest dreams came true. I married the man who won my heart years ago, and truly never lost my heart. My life didn't become a " fairy tale" or " perfect" the minute I uttered " I do". But, it's such a blessing, and the biggest joy in my life. Though marriage life is work. I love every second of it. Every thing I get to learn about my husband. Every moment we spend together just enjoying each other. I often wake up in the middle of the night, and look over to my husband sleeping peacefully. All I can do is smile, and wonder how I got so lucky to be married to this man.
We have only been married a short time. Yet, it feels like I've been with this man my whole life.
Though the end of 2013 was filled with personal tragedy when we lost our baby. I have hope for this coming year. I know it's going to be filled with so many great things. Though I am sure there will be hard times. I don't know what to expect. Maybe we will have a baby. Maybe we won't. Maybe we will move once our lease is up. Maybe we will stay here another year.
I have no idea what's ahead. But, I know there are so many possibilities. Instead of writing a list of what resolutions. I am just going to do one thing . Enjoy my life each day as it comes. Enjoy the little moments with my husband. Spend time with friends\family.
I realize my life is what I make it. I choose to make my life, and this year great. No matter what.
